thirtytwo

in a few more days the inevitable will happen again...its not like i can postpone it...and im not sure that i want to...but as D day approach i became more and more pensive.. i find myself doing stuff, i dont normally do... mostly stuff related to aesthetics, relaxation and hedonistic pleasures (get your minds off the sewer...i dont mean "that thing") ... simple things like having my first facial treatment (ouch!)...hair treatments....and indulging in whole body massages ( i tried the volcanic one and oh my!...was it worth it). i often find myself looking at the mirror... counting wrinkles...looking for gray hairs....and it makes me wonder if unconciously im really scared to death to grow old?

...nah..i guess what im really scared of is growing old and not living my life to the fullest...waking up one day only to figure out my life has passed me by with nothing to show for it but a few wrinkles...

...hey leah cheer up! (am i really having a conversation with myself here??)....with the average life span of our family ranging from 80-94 yrs (which has something to do with the size of our ears) ..i still have (carry one time 2+1 raised to the nth) 50++ more years to live...isnt it great!

but more of the stats....i choose not to be sad, not to be sorry and not to look back....ill just live each day as if it's my last ...

..argh! enough talk about birthdays....lets talk about the day that comes before my bday......and thats...valentines day....sigh...that's another day worthy of another lengthy blog post.... it reminds me of a line in the movie "rumour has it" that goes...."im not saying.. i can't live without you, ...because i can... i just don't want to" .... my life is the opposite.... "im not saying.. i can live without you,....because i can't....i just want to".